After a month in CRW...
Still the greenest journalist in the room
I've managed to not fail in the first month and a half at the new job, and it's taught me that, mainly, I have much to learn about being a strong journalist.
In other words, I am being challenged more, which is the goal—seek greater challenges and rise to them. No longer do I have a week or two to prepare and complete features—I drive myself now to return one, start to finish, in one shift. It is what my team expects of me, and it forces me to become more skillful. Faster. More accurate.
More live shots test and refine my ability to speak on the fly on a given subject. Problem-solving skills have reached a new level.
That, of course, has always been my goal—to seek greater challenges and to conquer them in stride. One aspect of my psyche is that I perceive everything as a challenge...for better or for worse. This is the age now where I, like my peers, need to become crystal clear about my life and my future.
Seeking balance in maturity
It is one thing to have a clear view of a career, but without a complete life...working is all you know. A fine notion, but there is a need for leisure, community, friendship, love, joy... in things, people, and places that do not involve work.
I have been so focused on success in school and in work that the other areas wither. How does a man take charge of the equally vital parts of his life that do not concern his relentless drive?
Simple.
I have to decide.
I have thought little of romance, and I have sought what appeared to be romance, and have wavered between the two. The mind and the heart remain in flux, and that's what it means to be human. There's no shame in it—my generation (and the generation before mine) has seen this same confusing chapter of life.
At quarter-life, I may finally have started to develop a solid sense of what I want my complete future to look like. That's a comfort.
Innovate without fear
Perfection is an ideal that I chase. It shows in everything, and not always in a helpful way. I don't play hands in poker without 70% certainty that I'll win, and that's the biggest risk I will take. If I see too high a possibility of failure, I do not pursue an endeavor. That isn't a way to live—that is mere existence.
I kill ideas in my mind before they've had a chance to seed and grow into greatness. I forsake actions that do not bring success. That sounds like caution, right? Taking the safe option? If it does, you rationalize like I do. That is fear.
Guess what that was?
That was the first step. Admission.
What's next
A return to the gym. Fitness is about total health—strong mind and strong body. I find a direct link between a gym routine and general willpower. I do sprints on a nearby football field and run stadiums for now, but nothing replaces pushing and pulling heavy things.
A cleaner diet. Life as a journalist is defined by the unknown, in that every day is a new challenge. Therein is the allure of this business for me. Planning meals, a task easier said than done (especially with our office conjoined with a mall—Chick-fil-A is my JAM), is a helpful test of discipline.
I currently weigh 190~193lbs, and a target weight is 180lbs. Lean, functional strength, definition, and health are more important to me than looking good...and that says volumes. I like to look good.
My ideal diet is eggs/bacon for breakfast, followed by a kale/almond milk/mango/pineapple/blueberry/blackberry/raspberry smoothie. Another smoothie for the road, along with a prepared meal for later (broccoli, spaghetti squash, and either salmon or chicken). I'll need to rethink that once I get back into the gym, but it's a start.
Anything else?
Absolutely.
I invite you to join this journey. Airing out my soul is a personal exercise. If learning to be vulnerable and to share myself is helpful to anyone else, great.